I had a lot of internships throughout graduate school. Part of becoming a psychologist is providing slave labor for a few years. I learned a lot by working in a bunch of different clinics, hospitals, and schools. And since I was studying psychology, I certainly saw more than my fair share of weird shit. But nothing compares to what poor Pickles and her crew have to deal with on the Real Housewives of New York.
In case you aren’t a Real Housewives addict like myself, let me give you some background. Sonja Morgan is one of the housewives. She married into the Morgan banking family (as in J.P. Morgan) and spent many years as a socialite of sorts, partying on yachts and in various tropical locales. She now runs a toaster oven empire while somehow still finding the time to practice her own brand of burlesque and maintain a relationship with a teenager. Additionally, she has a team of interns (with names like “Pickles”) who run her household and her day-to-day activities. But after watching the show regularly, I’m still not sure exactly what the interns’ responsibilities are and why Sonja actually needs interns in the first place. I can only assume that she doesn’t have enough money to pay for actual assistants and she’s figured out a way to get her dry cleaning picked up for free. Well played, Sonja.
And I have to wonder… what are these interns studying that allows them to earn genuine college credits for guest starring on reality tv and living with Sonja in her New York City apartment that has seen better days? Maybe they are studying theater production since they helped stage her “Caburlesque” show. Because nothing prepares one for a career in that field like watching a 50-year-old woman (who has choreographed her show by literally googling “burlesque moves”) shaking her stuff on stage and desperately hoping to avoid a nip slip while she does so. Or perhaps they are studying dentistry since they did have the task of Fixodent-ing her janky tooth back in place. Maybe fashion design is their desired profession since they had the opportunity to help her Sharpie her “gently used” Chanel bags back into mint condition.
Or honestly, maybe these poor souls are psychology students. Because they are definitely getting exposure to a wide range of psychological diagnoses and issues while dealing with these housewives.
They get to see Aviva Drescher and her many phobias, which include a fear of elevators, aluminum foil, and not talking about herself every two minutes. And for extra credit, they get to see her do her own brand of trauma therapy which involves playing around on a barn tool and pretending to give a damn about her childhood friend. (Side note: I don’t want to be too harsh about Aviva’s visit to the scene of her traumatic accident. Facing one’s fears is often a crucial part of getting past trauma, so good for her. But there is something so annoying about Aviva that I just can’t take it seriously.)
And there is Heather, who is diagnosed with a fairly new mental health disorder that I call Post Diddy Stress Disorder, or PDSD. The symptoms of this include: dropping profanities at inappropriate times (such as when a Countess is serving a fruit tart at a Hamptons dinner party), daring people to “deck” you, and constantly mentioning that you used to work for P. Diddy in an attempt to gain “street cred.”
The interns can also learn about effective communication skills by watching the women incessantly scream at each other for hours about Bookgate. Because there is no better way to show that you are eloquent and articulate enough to be an author than to repetitively insist that somebody is not a “well-wisher.” (At the very least I would expect a writer to have more biting insults at her disposal.)
Regardless of what kind of future Sonja’s interns are preparing for, I am sure that their experience at the Morgan residence will be invaluable. If nothing else, they will be prepared for the fact that the real world can be a cold place. Just like the showers at Sonja’s house because apparently hot water is too expensive.
Doctor Hollywood 