Kim and Kanye are Kommitted

As a student of human behavior, I love to make predictions about how people will act in situations.  The Kimye wedding is set to take place this weekend, and since I won’t be there in person (I guess my invitation got lost in the mail), I am left to fantasize about what it will be like.  And let’s face it, I have seen Kim get married before and the engagement (complete with 50-piece orchestra and a poorly spelled scoreboard display) was televised, so it’s not like I’m shooting blind here.

Here are my psychologically-based, purely scientific predictions of what will happen this weekend in Florence when Kimye says “I do.”

1. Kim and Kanye will pretend to be royalty—We all know that Kanye is a narcissist.  He vacillates between claiming to be Jesus, Warhol, the new Kurt Cobain, the new Jim Morrison (maybe he’s actually suffering from multiple personalities???) and of course, everybody’s favorite rapper.  So no doubt, Kanye will make sure that his wedding is fit for a king.  Supposedly the wedding is set to take place in a castle and guests will be transported by private plane.  But I don’t think that’s big enough for Kanye’s ego.   Maybe he will have a replica of Cleopatra’s jewels created for Kim to wear.  Or maybe he will be seated on a throne, complete with crown and scepter.  Perhaps they will re-enact the famous balcony moment of actual royalty Prince William and Kate Middleton.  My guess is that the officiant will announce that Kim and Kanye are now pronounced “rulers of the world” rather than “husband and wife” and that Kanye will try to have his wedding anniversary made into a national holiday.  Whatever the specifics, I think it’s a safe bet to say this wedding will be royal… or at the very least a royal mess.
2. Kanye will have his own march down the aisle—According to gossip columnists, Kanye has been something of a “Groomzilla” during the wedding planning process, and Kim has been more than happy to make sure he gets whatever he wants for the big day.  I can’t imagine that Kanye will let Kim be the only person with a special walk down the aisle.  What better way to show the world how important you are than to strut down the aisle to “Jesus Walks.”
3. Khloe will get drunk and have a breakdown—What’s worse than going through a divorce and realizing that your fairy-tale prince was actually just a crack addict?  Doing it while suffering through yet another of Kim’s weddings.  Khloe has always been my favorite Kardashian, and I feel bad for her in this situation.  Kim is the center of attention again and stands to rake in in millions of dollars on her European wedding.  Meanwhile Khloe has to squeeze into another unflattering bridesmaid dress and then suffer through the humiliation of trying to catch the bouquet.  No doubt poor Koko will drown her sorrows in some expensive French champagne and end up crying on the bathroom floor before the night is over.  And who can blame her, really?  Being known as the fat sister is bad enough; being your sister’s bridesmaid for the third time is just wrong.
4. North West will be noticeably absent—Some couples feature their babies in the wedding as the flower girl or something of the sort, but I highly doubt that Kimye will do such a thing.  After all, they wouldn’t want to risk having even a moment of attention taken away from the bride and groom by allowing an adorable baby steal the spotlight.  .
5. Scott Disick will get drunk and make an ass out of himself—Duh.

What do you think will happen at the Kimye wedding?  Any predictions?

Narcissist + Narcissist = True Love?

 

If you have access to the internet, you’ve probably gathered that Kanye West is something of a narcissist.   He refers to himself as a musical genius and has compared himself to the likes of Steve Jobs, Michael Jordan, and even God. He, in fact, has Jesus performing on stage with him during his current tour.  (Because, really, who else would possibly be qualified to share a stage with Kanye?) And he has been quoted as saying, “There is nothing more to be said about music. I’m the f—ing end-all, be-all of music. I am one of the greatest rappers in the world. I have, like, nuclear power, like a superhero, like Cyclops when he puts his glasses on.”  So it’s really not hard to ascertain that the guy thinks pretty highly of himself.  (Quick side note:  wouldn’t a Cyclops only need only one glass, not glasses?)  But in case you need absolute proof, I’ve outlined some of the DSM criteria for Narcissistic Personality Disorder and I’ve found a Kanye quote that personifies each one. 

According to the DSM (the reference manual for diagnosing mental disorders), a narcissist is somebody who:

• Has a grandiose sense of self-importance— “I will be the leader of a company that ends up being worth billions of dollars, because I got the answers.  I understand culture.  I am the nucleus.”
• Is preoccupied with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love—“I knew when I wrote the line ‘light-skinned friend look like Michael Jackson’ I was going to be a big star.  At the time, they used to have the Virgin music, and I would go there and just go up the escalator and say to myself, ‘I’m soaking in these last minutes of anonymity.’  I knew I was going to make it this far.  I knew that this was going to happen.”
• Believes that he is “special” and unique—“I’m a creative genius….For me to say I wasn’t a genius, I’d be totally lying to you and to myself.”
• Requires excessive admiration—“By not giving my album a classic rating, you diminish your magazine’s credibility.” (Kanye discussing the fact that Vibe magazine gave him four stars instead of five for his College Dropout album)
• Lacks empathy—“It’s only led me to complete awesomeness at all times.  It’s only led me to awesome truth and awesomeness.  Beauty, truth, awesomeness.  That’s all it is.” (Kanye on his bluntness and the infamous Taylor Swift incident)
• Regularly shows arrogant, haughty behaviors or attitudes—“I think what Kanye West is going to mean is something similar to what Steve Jobs means.  I am undoubtedly, you know, Steve of Interet, downtown, fashion, culture.  Period.  By a long jump, I honestly feel that because Steve has passed, you know, it’s like when Biggie passed and Jay-Z was allowed to become Jay-Z.  I’ve been connected to the most culturally important albums of the past four years, the most influential artists of the past ten years.”

It’s pretty clear that Kanye meets the criteria for the diagnosis.  And it may not come as a shock that his baby momma and now fiance, Kim Kardashian, has some narcissistic traits too.  She obviously requires excessive admiration (have you seen her Instagram?!?!) and has a grandiose sense of self-importance (why else would she feel like the whole world needs to see her go about her daily routine of mani/pedis and professional makeup applications on Keeping up with the Kardashians?).  And, like a typical narcissist, she requires external confirmation of her importance and value.  To that end, she posts nearly nude selfies on various social media outlets and poses for Playboy so that everybody can tell her how hot she looks.    

So now the question is… what happens when two narcissists end up in a relationship together?  Do they live happily ever after in a house filled with mirrors and self-portraits?  Or do their inflated egos compete with each other, creating a lot of tension in the relationship?  

Typically, narcissists don’t do well in relationships.  They tend to rub people the wrong way.  I don’t know about you, but I don’t usually enjoy interacting with people who talk at me and regale me with stories of their own greatness, while never actually acknowledging that I exist.  So people with narcissistic personalities at a very pathological level may not have very many long-term friendships and may never find a willing partner.  And if they do, their need for constant attention and validation may ultimately drive the other person away.  But somehow Kim and Kanye found each other (I’m guessing her ass is like the North Star and guides rappers and professional athletes right to her).  Narcissists typically surround themselves with other people whom they perceive to be special and worthy enough of their time.  They want to be seen with people who make them look good by association.  In that way, other people serve as mirrors to reflect their own feelings of greatness.  Kanye no doubt sees Kim as the ultimate trophy that proves just how special and wonderful he is.  And Kim probably sees Kanye as a high status power player in the world of music and fashion who can bolster her own reputation and who can handle her perceived hotness.  So maybe two narcissists can be happy just stroking each other’s egos, using each other for their own personal gains, and helping each other maintain their increased sense of self-worth. 

I’m not sure what’s in store for Kim and Kanye’s relationship.  Do these crazy kids really have what it takes to make it long-term (or at least past the 72 day mark)?  Will they bless the world with a little South West and live happily ever after in their world of gold toilets, 15 karat rings, and self-important Twitter rants?  Or will Kim’s ass and Kanye’s ego just be too big to avoid a major clash?  If the relationship history of the Kardashian clan tells us anything, it’s that this marriage is a long shot at best.  I guess we will just have to see how it all plays out on the E! network and in the tabloids.  But I’m willing to bet that Kim’s longest relationship will be with her plastic surgeon.