Kim and Kanye are Kommitted

As a student of human behavior, I love to make predictions about how people will act in situations.  The Kimye wedding is set to take place this weekend, and since I won’t be there in person (I guess my invitation got lost in the mail), I am left to fantasize about what it will be like.  And let’s face it, I have seen Kim get married before and the engagement (complete with 50-piece orchestra and a poorly spelled scoreboard display) was televised, so it’s not like I’m shooting blind here.

Here are my psychologically-based, purely scientific predictions of what will happen this weekend in Florence when Kimye says “I do.”

1. Kim and Kanye will pretend to be royalty—We all know that Kanye is a narcissist.  He vacillates between claiming to be Jesus, Warhol, the new Kurt Cobain, the new Jim Morrison (maybe he’s actually suffering from multiple personalities???) and of course, everybody’s favorite rapper.  So no doubt, Kanye will make sure that his wedding is fit for a king.  Supposedly the wedding is set to take place in a castle and guests will be transported by private plane.  But I don’t think that’s big enough for Kanye’s ego.   Maybe he will have a replica of Cleopatra’s jewels created for Kim to wear.  Or maybe he will be seated on a throne, complete with crown and scepter.  Perhaps they will re-enact the famous balcony moment of actual royalty Prince William and Kate Middleton.  My guess is that the officiant will announce that Kim and Kanye are now pronounced “rulers of the world” rather than “husband and wife” and that Kanye will try to have his wedding anniversary made into a national holiday.  Whatever the specifics, I think it’s a safe bet to say this wedding will be royal… or at the very least a royal mess.
2. Kanye will have his own march down the aisle—According to gossip columnists, Kanye has been something of a “Groomzilla” during the wedding planning process, and Kim has been more than happy to make sure he gets whatever he wants for the big day.  I can’t imagine that Kanye will let Kim be the only person with a special walk down the aisle.  What better way to show the world how important you are than to strut down the aisle to “Jesus Walks.”
3. Khloe will get drunk and have a breakdown—What’s worse than going through a divorce and realizing that your fairy-tale prince was actually just a crack addict?  Doing it while suffering through yet another of Kim’s weddings.  Khloe has always been my favorite Kardashian, and I feel bad for her in this situation.  Kim is the center of attention again and stands to rake in in millions of dollars on her European wedding.  Meanwhile Khloe has to squeeze into another unflattering bridesmaid dress and then suffer through the humiliation of trying to catch the bouquet.  No doubt poor Koko will drown her sorrows in some expensive French champagne and end up crying on the bathroom floor before the night is over.  And who can blame her, really?  Being known as the fat sister is bad enough; being your sister’s bridesmaid for the third time is just wrong.
4. North West will be noticeably absent—Some couples feature their babies in the wedding as the flower girl or something of the sort, but I highly doubt that Kimye will do such a thing.  After all, they wouldn’t want to risk having even a moment of attention taken away from the bride and groom by allowing an adorable baby steal the spotlight.  .
5. Scott Disick will get drunk and make an ass out of himself—Duh.

What do you think will happen at the Kimye wedding?  Any predictions?

RHONY: Batshit in the Berkshires

 

For me, watching The Real Housewives of New York is akin to Charles Darwin studying biology on the Galapagos Islands.  The show is a bottomless well of psychological disorders and neuroses.  I’m used to seeing psychological issues playing out on reality television.  Some shows, like True Tori and VH1’s Couples Therapy, even feature “real” therapy sessions as part of the premise.  But RHONY offers such a wide range of mental health issues that it’s almost overwhelming.  On the most recent episode of RHONY, the ladies continued their vacation in the Berkshires.  Following the infamous “Canoe-gate” incident in which Ramona threw her wine glass at Kristen because she was reacting to the trauma of having her blowout ruined, the ladies continued to hash out their issues.  And I couldn’t help but notice a whole host of brand new, not yet recognized mental health disorders on display. 

There are a lot of known sexual disorders listed in the DSM (which is essentially the bible of psychological diagnoses), such as exhibitionism (in which sexual gratification is achieved through public sexual activity and/or bodily exposure) and frotteurism (in which sexual gratification results from rubbing against an unsuspecting person).  But Kristen displays symptoms of a sexual disorder so disturbing that it warrants its own diagnosis.  I’m talking, of course, about Elvisophilia.  This disease is characterized by an irrational obsession with all things that even remotely pertain to The King.  In a previous episode of the show, Kristen talked about how while she was in Vegas, she had a brief but very memorable kiss with an Elvis impersonator.  In the most recent episode, Heather surprised Kristen with a visit from an Elvis impersonator, and Kristen was in awe.  She and “Elvis” skipped off into the sunset to do God knows what.  I can totally understand being star-struck by an actual star, even a D-lister.  I once saw Holly Madison in the airport and I was practically speechless.  But getting ready to drop your panties every time you see a fat guy with sideburns in a jumpsuit?!?!  That’s just crazy.  I’m hoping that the ladies will take their next (Bravo-sponsored) trip to Graceland so we can really see the full effects of this disorder.   

Then we have Ramona and her own special brand of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD), which I will call Convenient Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, or CPTSD.  The actual disorder can be debilitating and is characterized by intense anxiety following a traumatic event.  But Ramona’s brand is different in that it comes and goes as needed to help her avoid situations that she doesn’t want to be in.  When she decided that she’d had enough of the Berkshires and was ready for the more glamorous lifestyle of the Hamptons, Ramona suddenly had a flare-up of her CPTSD.  Seemingly out of nowhere, her painful childhood memories of making mud pies in the woods were triggered by a “hike” with Carole.  (I use quotations marks because Carole was wearing a nightgown and boots so it didn’t seem quite like a real hike.)  When Ramona didn’t want to take responsibility for being immature enough to throw a wine glass at Kristen’s face, she blamed her CPTSD.  She was simply reacting to the trauma of being splashed by water while she was in a canoe in the middle of a lake!  Luckily, Ramona has already found the cure for CPTSD:  a friend with a private plan and a surprisingly flexible schedule who is willing to help her escape from whatever terrifyingly traumatic situation she may face at a moment’s notice.    

Finally, we have Sonja’s diagnosis of Carole as a “bullshit bisexual.”  According to Sonja, a bullshit bisexual is a woman who is not actually bisexual only because they are not interested in her.  How convenient.  Rather than feel rejected, Sonja can now assume that any woman who may not be turned on by her Caburlesque moves is actually just a bullshit bisexual.  And Ben, the 20-something boy-toy who had the audacity to stand Sonja up a couple of episodes ago… it turns out he was actually a bullshit heterosexual.

The preview for next week’s episode shows what looks to be another flare up of Ramona’s CPTSD, which gets triggered by being the center of an “intervention” staged by the other ladies.  And I’m hoping that Aviva will make her return.  That woman has so many phobias and neuroses I could write a book about them… or hire a ghostwriter to do it for me.   

What Your Clothing Says About You: Met Gala Edition

What we wear says something about who we are.  Our clothing is, after all, a form of self-expression.  For example, wearing a crop top past a certain age says that you are desperately clinging to your youth.  And wearing sweatpants out in public says that you’ve given up on life.  In Hollywood, celebrities use their outfits to portray a certain image.  When Miley Cyrus wanted to move away from her Hannah Montana days, she started choosing edgy (slutty) clothes to show that she is all grown up.  Lady Gaga wants to be seen as a unique artiste so naturally she wears meat as clothing.  And even though stylists are basically omnipresent in Hollywood and help stars craft a very specific image, what a celebrity chooses to wear can still reveal something about his or her style, identity and personality.  So let’s take a look at the recent outfit choices at the Met Gala to get some insight into our favorite stars.

Kim Kardashian—Kim has been desperately trying to be accepted by the fashion elite.  She’s posted photos of herself with Anna Wintour, she somehow forced her way onto the cover of Vogue and she’s been photographed in as many high-fashion duds as Kanye could squeeze her ass into.  At the Met gala, Kim went for a sophisticated and relatively demure look with her Lanvin gown.  With this look, she is trying to prove that she is truly part of the couture world and not just a sex-tape star.  Unfortunately for Kim, her reality television background, like her underwear, just can’t stay under wraps.   

Kate Upton—Clearly Kate takes her holidays very seriously.  The Met gala was held on Cinco de Mayo so Kate showed her support of the holidays of Latin America by dressing like a Flamenco dancer.  Olé!  I’m just glad that the event wasn’t held near Christmas because it would be a shame for Kate to have to hide her famous curves under the heavy fabric of an ugly Christmas sweater.

Reese Witherspoon—Reese is trying to regain her position as America’s sweetheart following her arrest for disorderly conduct last year.   This elegant dress, in pink of all colors, is designed to remind us that she’s really a good, sweet southern girl at heart and not that mouthy, drunken frat boy that we all saw trying to argue with the police after “one too many” glasses of wine.   

   

Katie Holmes—Her Marchesa gown shows that she is very much a devoted mother and that Suri is probably her only friend.  Why else would she let Suri dress her up as her favorite Disney princess?

Elizabeth Olsen—Elizabeth Olsen’s dress tells us that she has difficulty letting go of the past.  I can only assume that she is mourning the end of the Winter Olympics and attempting to pay homage to the games by wearing a figure skating costume. 

Lupita Nyong’o— Lupita got a little bit too confident.  Following her triumphant red carpet appearances during awards season and earning the title of People’s “Most Beautiful”, Lupita was riding high.  She thought she could do no wrong, so apparently she dressed as a jungle flapper.  Unfortunately, even her gorgeous face and her status as a fashion darling couldn’t help her pull this look off.  When nobody even notices that you died your hair purple, you know your dress is saying too much.    

An UnsatisfacTORI Marriage: The Tori and Dean Story

The new docu-series True Tori premiered last night.  The show chronicles the life of Tori Spelling as she deals with her husband Dean’s infidelity.  Obviously I had to watch it… getting a front row seat to watch a Hollywood marriage crumble right before my eyes?  Sign me up!  I’m not sure exactly why I find this show to be so appealing, when I deal with the same problems at work pretty much every day.  But alas, I can’t avoid a behind-the-scenes look at the life of a C-list star or a good Lifetime program.  So I watched the first episode, and, like any psychologist probably would, I found myself analyzing what I saw.   Here are some psychological insights on Tori and Dean:

1. Her motivation for doing this docu-series is total B.S.—Tori sat down with producers and discussed her reasoning behind allowing cameras to follow her as she deals with her marriage issues.  She explained that for her entire life, other people have been telling her story and she has never gotten the opportunity to speak for herself.  That is completely untrue and just plain ridiculous!  The woman has written a multitude of books (all with some play on her name in the title…”Stori Telling”, “Spelling it Like it Is”) and has done every reality show she can ink a deal for (remember the one where Tori and Dean run a bed and breakfast, anyone?!?!)  We have all heard her story, many times.  And on a side note, I would like to point out that it’s pretty contradicTori (Ha! See what I did there?) to see her complain about the presence of the paparazzi cameras while she is being filmed for a reality show.  The real reason that she is doing the show is most likely one of two possible reasons:  a) she wants the publicity (which would be sad) or b) she needs the money (also sad but she’s facing the possibility of raising four children on her own so do what you gotta do, girl!). 
2. Tori needs her own therapy—In the therapy session with Dean, Tori acknowledges that there were red flags even early on in the relationship.  Dean also admits that he has been lying his whole life and dealing with an alcohol addiction.  Sadly, it sounds like Tori was living in some degree of denial.   Rather than feeling completely blindsided by Dean’s bad behavior, she may want to examine why she ignored the red flags, looked the other way, and chose to trust Dean when something was telling her that he wasn’t really deserving of it.  Later on in the show, Tori sobs as she discusses feeling like she didn’t do anything to deserve Dean’s infidelity.  She shouldn’t blame herself… Dean is certainly responsible for his own decisions.  Watching her surreptitiously apply lip gloss before seeing Dean and then apologize for attracting the paparazzi shows that she may be taking on too much responsibility for what are really Dean’s feelings and issues.  (As if she could have prevented the infidelity by just wearing a little more makeup and not causing any upset for Dean.)  However, Tori also seems a bit too comfortable playing the victim role (and even her friends seem annoyed by it).  She may want to explore why she got involved in a relationship with somebody who, even early on, showed some clear warning signs of troubling behavior.  And also, Dean and Tori were both married to other people when they got together.  So clearly Tori was not just a victim of heartbreak, but also a willing participant.  She would benefit from addressing these issues (as well as a potential eating disorder) in her own therapy.  (In fact, going to therapy should be mandaTori.)
3. Dean is a jerk—“Jerk” is not a clinical term, but it was the word that came to mind when watching Dean tell Tori to just let her tears out.  Not only did it seem disingenuous, but it came off as somewhat obtuse.  Obviously Tori is dealing with significant trust issues, so it’s understandable that she would not want to be vulnerable in front of Dean.  He didn’t seem to have much awareness of that though.  And by the way… Dean, being in treatment for a couple of months does not make you a therapist, so keep your suggestions to yourself!   Dean also told Tori that it’s her responsibility to be honest with him about her feelings as they move forward.   I take umbrage with Dean putting the responsibility on Tori for changing the relationship.  Yes, she plays a role in their relationship dynamics.  But Dean is in treatment for his issues, not hers.  He should take responsibility for his stuff before telling her what she needs to be doing. (And blaming everything on your alter ego “Deano” probably isn’t going to work, buddy.)    
4. Why on earth doesn’t Tori get a nanny?—There is nothing particularly psychological about this, but I couldn’t help thinking about it as I watched Tori struggle to wrangle her kids.  Tori, did you know that you can pay people to help you take care of your children and pour their Fruity Pebbles in the morning?  They are called nannies and pretty much everybody in Hollywood has at least one.  They can help you prevent your toddlers from accidentally running out the front door and puking all over your electronic devices.  Look into it!      

The first episode showed us a glimpse of a marriage that is in purgaTori.  And naturally, I enjoyed watching it.  It didn’t quite offer the fireworks that I was expecting, but it convinced me to stick around for future episodes.  I’m especially looking forward to the one that was previewed when Dean makes a derogaTori comment about his sex life with Tori being “not fantastic.”  I guess you could say I’m anticipaTori.   

Jesus: The Original Comeback Kid?

This weekend is Easter…  time for the long-standing tradition of honoring a giant bunny and eating my body weight in Starburst jellybeans.  But the real purpose of Easter is to celebrate the resurrection of Jesus.  (At least I think that’s what it’s about.  I was never a very good Catholic.) So basically, Easter is a time to celebrate a comeback.

Like Christians around the world, Hollywood also loves a comeback.  There are lots of movies about it…  The Wrestler, The Fighter, Anchorman.  We all love to see somebody fall from grace and fight his way back to the top.  And it’s not only fictional characters that are lauded for making a comeback.  Plenty of celebrities have also seen a resurgence in popularity and success after their careers had seemingly flat-lined. 

I think we enjoy a good comeback story because it gives us hope.  It’s nice to know that even in our lowest times, there is always hope for a better day.  So on this holiday, let’s take a look at some of the stars who were able to rise up from utter obscurity and despair… and some who were not.

Robert Downey Jr—The ultimate comeback story.  He started out as a sometime-member of the Brat Pack, finding success in the ‘80s in such films as The Pick-Up Artist and Less Than Zero.  But it wasn’t long before drugs took his career off the fast track and right into the L.A. County jail.  Nothing says rock bottom like breaking into your neighbor’s house and passing out in his bed.  Luckily, RDJ was able to get help and find major career success, starring in such blockbusters as the Iron Man movies and Tropic Thunder, and becoming Hollywood’s highest paid actor.    

Neil Patrick Harris—Neil, or NPH as fans affectionately call him, rose to fame as Doogie Howser, the child doctor that captured Wanda’s heart, and mine.  After falling into relative obscurity, he unexpectedly appeared in the classic Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle as a cracked-out version of himself.  He is now, of course, at the very top of his game after his success on How I Met Your Mother and various award show hosting gigs.  

Mike Tyson— Rape charges, an infamous ear biting incident… Nothing can keep this heavy weight down.  Just when you think he has officially committed career suicide, he shows up singing Phil Collins songs in The Hangover.  He parlayed that classic cameo into a one-man Broadway show and suddenly Mike Tyson was back on top of the world.  Who would have thought that a guy with a face tattoo could capture the hearts of America?    

Unfortunately, not every fallen star is able to rise again…

Courtney Love—She was always something of a mess, but it seemed more purposeful in the ‘90s.  She had some hit songs with her band Hole, and transitioned to a successful, albeit brief, acting career with her role in The People vs. Larry Flint.  Since then, her ongoing struggle with drugs has made her something of a joke.  She has pretty much disappeared from the public eye.  And when she does re-emerge, she continues to sport the grunge look, twenty years later.   But perhaps she is simply too busy to shower or wear clean clothes, as she is currently solving the mystery of Malaysian Airlines flight 370.  Needless to say, the future isn’t looking so bright for Courtney.      

Paris Hilton—Remember when Paris Hilton was the “it’ girl of the moment?  She was the Kim Kardashian of the early 2000s, rising to prominence after a role in a sex tape.  “That’s hot” became a widely used catch phrase and I know plenty of people that actually liked her song Stars Are Blind, and not in an ironic way.  Now, she is relegated to dressing up like a 33-year old flower child at Coachella and making the occasional appearance at a Vegas club.  She even stooped so low as to appear on The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills (something she had previously believed she was too good for), essentially riding the coattails of her now more famous aunt, Kyle Richards.  I think it’s safe to say that Paris Hilton’s days of prominence have passed.    

Heidi Montag—She had a starring role in a reality tv show, a creepy-looking jobless husband, and a homemade music video… Who could have asked for anything more?  Believe it or not, there was a time when Heidi Montag was big news.  But her obsession with plastic surgery (she famously had 10 surgeries in one day) and fame led to her demise.  Not surprisingly, she blew through all of her money and has fallen completely out of the limelight.  Chances of her reviving her career:  about as high as the chances of her squeezing those sweater puppies into a size 32 B bra. 

Clearly, not everybody has what it takes to dig themselves out of a deep hole and rebuild their lives and careers.  Talent is one crucial component.  Without it, you are too easily forgotten and replaced by the next buxom wannabe starlet with a desperate need for attention and a penchant for making X-rated home videos.  But there seems to be another attribute that can help launch a comeback:  honesty.  The stars that are able to own up to their mistakes and even laugh at themselves are more likely to be able to put the past behind them.  There is something charming and relatable about people who can acknowledge their shortcomings; it shows strength and humility.  Remember the Hugh Grant hooker scandal?  All it took was one appearance on The Tonight Show where he faced his mistakes head-on, and all was forgiven.     

So this Easter, while we gorge ourselves on chocolate bunnies and find pieces of that fake plastic grass in seemingly impossible places, let’s remember what’s important:  acknowledging our sins, believing in the possibility of a comeback for those who deserve it, and having faith that the talent-less flavors of the week will eventually fade into irrelevance.   

Etiquette vs. Self-Preservation: RHONY Edition

Lindsay Lohan Has Her OWN Version of Sobriety

I’ve blogged about it before but “Lindsay”, the docu-series on OWN, is so shocking that I just can’t help blogging about it again.  Just when I think it can’t get any worse, I see footage of Lindsay filming herself crying as she stares silently into the camera.  It’s weird and a bit troubling, but also totally compelling.  It is a trainwreck that I just can’t stop watching.  And since I have been working in the field of substance abuse treatment for the past four years, I see a lot of familiar issues when I watch Lindsay.

Through my work, I have seen firsthand how difficult it is to get and stay sober.  More often than not, relapse happens and people need multiple attempts at sobriety before it sticks.  It’s even more difficult when you’re a celebrity, for a couple of reasons.  First of all, celebrities often get paid for making appearances at nightclubs where alcohol is, of course, readily available.  Being in highly triggering situations clearly puts one’s sobriety at risk.  In early recovery, it’s best to avoid tempting situations but celebrities aren’t always able to do that because their livelihood can at times depend on being at parties and such.  Additionally, celebrities are surrounded by people who are paid to essentially stroke their egos and tell them what they want to hear.  They are treated as if they are special and unique, so it makes sense that they in turn think the rules don’t apply to them.   Often, their friends and family have a financial stake at hand and are not willing to risk that by telling them the truth or setting necessary boundaries or limits.  So I have sympathy and respect for Lindsay and what she is trying to do.  Especially when so many are watching her and expecting her to fail.

With all that being said, I am still appalled at Lindsay’s complete lack of insight.  Her behavior is that of somebody who is in total denial about the challenges of recovery, despite her six stints in rehab.  It’s almost painful to watch (but also really enjoyable at the same time!  Yes, I know I’m going to hell).  But, I never waste an opportunity to learn something from reality television.  So here are some ”dos” and “don’ts” of recovery that we can all learn from watching Linsday:

1. Don’t—play the game “Dare” with a bunch of random Russians.  After a night of “sober” clubbing, Linsday apparently thought it was a good idea to invite a crew of young Ruskies back to her place to take turns piercing each other’s ears with knives.  Because that’s a good sober activity.  If you ever feel the strong urge to take a swig of vodka, it’s going to be when a drunk Russian is lunging at one of your appendages with a butcher knife.
2. Don’t—videotape yourself just sitting around your apartment crying.  It’s weird and people will assume that you are, in fact, on drugs.
3. Do—be humble.   In the most recent episode of the show, Lindsay bragged about how she could have a ”full novel” of all the shoots she has helped style.  Keep in mind, this comment was made after she had help up the Elle Indonesia shoot on multiple occasions, resulting in the clothes for the shoot actually needing to be returned.  Also keep in mind, that Lindsay wears this.  Humility is a huge part of recovery because it’s way too easy to slip back into old patterns, especially when you are cocky about it.
4. Do—get the hell away from Dina Lohan.  The woman is a hot mess.  Writing an autobiography that basically capitalizes on your daughter’s struggles is classless at best. (Dina was planning to title her memoir “Parent Trapped” just to make sure it was crystal clear that she is Lindsay’s mom.)  Dressing up in an adult Snow White costume to attend the Halloween party your daughter is hosting at a night club is just creepy.  Supporting your daughter is one thing….  I fondly remember my mom attending my childhood cheerleading competitions to watch me in all of my pom-pom glory.   But wanting to be her best friend is just crazy.  Had my mother actually dressed up in a matching uniform and learned the routines, I would probably be an alcoholic now too.

The Real Housewives of New York: Preparing the Next Generation for Debauchery and Absurdity

I had a lot of internships throughout graduate school.  Part of becoming a psychologist is providing slave labor for a few years.  I learned a lot by working in a bunch of different clinics, hospitals, and schools.  And since I was studying psychology, I certainly saw more than my fair share of weird shit.  But nothing compares to what poor Pickles and her crew have to deal with on the Real Housewives of New York.

In case you aren’t a Real Housewives addict like myself, let me give you some background.  Sonja Morgan is one of the housewives.  She married into the Morgan banking family (as in J.P. Morgan) and spent many years as a socialite of sorts, partying on yachts and in various tropical locales.  She now runs a toaster oven empire while somehow still finding the time to practice her own brand of burlesque and maintain a relationship with a teenager.  Additionally, she has a team of interns (with names like “Pickles”) who run her household and her day-to-day activities.  But after watching the show regularly, I’m still not sure exactly what the interns’ responsibilities are and why Sonja actually needs interns in the first place.  I can only assume that she doesn’t have enough money to pay for actual assistants and she’s figured out a way to get her dry cleaning picked up for free.  Well played, Sonja.    

And I have to wonder… what are these interns studying that allows them to earn genuine college credits for guest starring on reality tv and living with Sonja in her New York City apartment that has seen better days?  Maybe they are studying theater production since they helped stage her “Caburlesque” show.  Because nothing prepares one for a career in that field like watching a 50-year-old woman (who has choreographed her show by literally googling “burlesque moves”) shaking her stuff on stage and desperately hoping to avoid a nip slip while she does so.  Or perhaps they are studying dentistry since they did have the task of Fixodent-ing her janky tooth back in place.  Maybe fashion design is their desired profession since they had the opportunity to help her Sharpie her “gently used” Chanel bags back into mint condition.   

Or honestly, maybe these poor souls are psychology students.  Because they are definitely getting exposure to a wide range of psychological diagnoses and issues while dealing with these housewives.

They get to see Aviva Drescher and her many phobias, which include a fear of elevators, aluminum foil, and not talking about herself every two minutes.  And for extra credit, they get to see her do her own brand of trauma therapy which involves playing around on a barn tool and pretending to give a damn about her childhood friend.  (Side note:  I don’t want to be too harsh about Aviva’s visit to the scene of her traumatic accident.  Facing one’s fears is often a crucial part of getting past trauma, so good for her.  But there is something so annoying about Aviva that I just can’t take it seriously.) 

And there is Heather, who is diagnosed with a fairly new mental health disorder that I call Post Diddy Stress Disorder, or PDSD.  The symptoms of this include:  dropping profanities at inappropriate times (such as when a Countess is serving a fruit tart at a Hamptons dinner party), daring people to “deck” you, and constantly mentioning that you used to work for P. Diddy in an attempt to gain “street cred.” 

The interns can also learn about effective communication skills by watching the women incessantly scream at each other for hours about Bookgate.  Because there is no better way to show that you are eloquent and articulate enough to be an author than to repetitively insist that somebody is not a “well-wisher.”  (At the very least I would expect a writer to have more biting insults at her disposal.) 

Regardless of what kind of future Sonja’s interns are preparing for, I am sure that their experience at the Morgan residence will be invaluable.  If nothing else, they will be prepared for the fact that the real world can be a cold place.  Just like the showers at Sonja’s house because apparently hot water is too expensive.      

James Franco, Is This the End?

My relationship with James Franco can best be described as “it’s complicated.”  I really enjoy the cute James Franco with the seductively charming smile.  From the days of the Spiderman movies and Freak and Geeks, he was adorable, talented, and easy to like.  He had some great roles in good films such as Milk, and he seemed very creative.  I was smitten.  Then things started to get a little weird.  There was the stint on General Hospital after he had achieved major success in Hollywood.  It seemed like an odd choice, but whatever.  There was the Oscar hosting debacle.  It was sort of strange that he apparently just gave up while the broadcast was still airing.  And if you can actually make me feel bad for Anne Hathaway, then you’re clearly doing something wrong.  So he fell off my “celebrity hall pass” list.  It got to the point where James Franco seemed too cool for school and I felt like he was playing a joke on the world.  I just didn’t get him anymore.  But then I saw him in This is the End and although the movie was so stupid it was borderline unwatchable, I was reminded that he is funny and cute and can laugh at himself.  So we were all good.

But now there’s Instagram-gate.  If you haven’t heard, James Franco recently met a 17-year-old fan after his performance in Of Mice and Men on Broadway.  He was nice enough to snap a pic with her, and he then requested that she tag him in the photo.  He started following her on Instagram… and then he started hitting on her. (You can see the conversation here.)  The internet then proceeded to freak out. 

First of all, let’s clear some things up.  This girl was of legal consenting age in both her home country of Scotland and in the state of New York, where this incident occurred.  And there was no sexting involved,   no naked selfies, no dick pics (good for her, but a little disappointing for me).  So nothing illegal actually happened.  And in fact, some believe that this is just an elaborate hoax, a type of “performance art” meant to drum up publicity for his new movie Palo Alto.  But the general consensus, and rightfully so, is that it’s downright creepy.  Let’s take a look at why:

When there is a clear imbalance of power, whether or not sexual behavior can truly be considered consensual gets called into question.  In this situation, there are a couple of power imbalances, the most obvious of which is the age difference.  James Franco is 35 and this girl is only 17.  With age comes knowledge, experience, and ultimately power.  Younger people lack the experience and sophistication to really understand the full ramifications of their sexual activities.  That’s why it feels like younger people who are involved with significantly older people are being taken advantage of in some way or another (like the whole Courtney Stodden situation). 

The other major power differential in this situation is that James Franco is a celebrity and the girl in question is a fan.  Clearly, celebrities use their prestige, money, and success to influence those who admire them.  I once saw an episode of Howard Stern where women literally allowed him to throw baloney onto their naked butts while it was filmed for his TV show.  Now obviously, these women have some issues other than an unnatural fetish for lunch meat.  But still, I highly doubt that they were at home playing this same weird game with their boyfriends.  The appeal of Howard Stern certainly played some role in influencing them to do things that they otherwise would not have.  The groupie phenomenon has been around for ages.  Young, star-struck women throw themselves at the celebrities that they admire and too often, they may feel pressured to go further than they would have liked for fear of being rejected if they say no or set any boundaries.               

Anytime there is a significant power differential, the definition of what is sexually appropriate becomes a bit unclear and we need some rules put in place.  This is why professors are not allowed to sleep with their students, coaches are not allowed to sleep with members of their team, and psychologists are not allowed to sleep with their patients.  Because even when both parties are of legal age and claim to be consenting, the unfair influence that one party has over the other makes it a very gray, and potentially dangerous, area.

With all that being said, I am not going to vilify James Franco.  Plenty of celebrities do the whole groupie thing.  And in fact, some groupies are very aware of what they are doing and seem to love the opportunity to sleep with their favorite star and then tell all about it.  Plenty of “stars” have gotten famous (or at least more famous) largely because of whom they have slept with (Tawny Kitaen, Stacy Keibler).  But I am not going to defend him either.  Because frankly, he should know better.  Celebrities should not be victims of social media.  They hire publicists, agents, and various other spin doctors to prevent just that.  And if James Franco wants to get his freak on, he should call somebody more on his own level…. Or me.    

Lindsay: Putting the “Guilt” in Guilty Pleasure

I watched the docu-series “Lindsay” for the first time this past weekend.  In case you haven’t heard about it or seen it, the series, which airs on Oprah Winfrey’s OWN network, documents Lindsay Lohan’s post-rehab life.  The cameras follow Lindsay as she moves into a Soho apartment, does some community service (mandated, of course) and attempts to revitalize her stalled acting career.  And while she is trying to change her image and put her past antics behind her, she struggles to do so.  Instead, Lindsay causes problems by holding up production of the series, having a couple of meltdowns, and just being generally difficult to work with.  At one point, her behavior becomes such an issue that Oprah is forced to confront her and tell her very bluntly to “cut the bullshit.”  If Lindsay was trying to show that she is fully recovered and ready to get back to work, she missed the mark.     

While I very much enjoyed the inside look at Lindsay’s life, I also found myself feeling a bit guilty about it.  I appreciate a hot mess on reality tv more than anybody, and I usually don’t give it a second thought.  I typically chuckle at how ridiculous some of the situations and behaviors are, and I find it amusing and harmless.  While watching “Jersey Shore” or “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo”, we the viewers get the sense that the stars of the show are portraying over the top versions of themselves.  No doubt Snooki has some days where she didn’t drink to oblivion and binge on pickles, but she (along with the producers and editors of the show) is smart enough to know what the viewers want to see and she is willing to give them just that.  I am certain that Mama June, the matriarch of the Honey Boo Boo family, makes plenty of meals that consist of the American staples Kraft Mac and Cheese and Hamburger Helper, but it’s funnier and more newsworthy to show that time the family ate roadkill for dinner.  Most reality stars are being themselves, to the most extreme degree.  They know that by being absurd and dramatic, they can extend their fifteen minutes of fame.  And for the most part, they seem to be laughing right along with the viewer.    

And of course we all know by now that some reality shows are flat-out scripted.  The Kardashians have famously re-shot scenes to portray the exact image that they want to.  And “The Hills” finale gave us all a behind the scenes look at just how contrived the series was.  Watching such a show is essentially no different than watching a sitcom or a drama… it’s meant to entertain.  The stars of the show are essentially just playing a role and seem to be mostly aware of what that role is.    

Watching “Lindsay” is different because it’s clear that her intention is to use the docu-series as a way to get her life back on track.  In one episode, she and her life/fitness coach discuss her goal of making a good impression on the production company so that they can essentially vouch for her with movie studios.  While, to the viewer, “Lindsay” may be just another reality show meant to entertain, like “The Bachelor” or “Keeping up with the Kardashians”, it seems to be something of an eight-episode audition to Lindsay.  She is using it as a vehicle to overhaul her image and to start being taken more seriously.  She is genuinely trying her best and has difficulty recognizing how she minimizes her bad behavior and externalizes blame for the problems that she encounters.  When she talks about not getting a part in the upcoming Avengers movie, she is being candid and sincere about how frustrated she is.  At the same time, she blames her management team for not fighting for her, rather than acknowledging that she has completely tarnished her reputation with various arrests and multiple stints in rehab.  Her performance in her most recent movie The Canyons was ridiculed, but she seems completely unaware of the fact that she has lost almost all credibility as an actress at this point.  It feels sad, and a little bit exploitative. 

And if I’m being really honest… I think the worst, guiltiest part of the whole thing is that part of me is actually rooting against her, rather than for her.  It feels bad to admit it, but I kind of like watching the train wreck.  For some sick reason, I apparently enjoy watching people make fools of themselves.  My favorite part of the “American Idol” auditions is always watching the William Hungs of the world.  And before you judge me, I want to assure you that I’m not alone in this.  It’s something of a cultural phenomenon…. Take the Academy Awards for example.  It is a night meant to honor the achievements of actors and filmmakers.  But this year, the most talked about thing by far was John Travolta flubbing Idina Menzel’s name.  Let’s all just admit it…. We seem to find joy in watching people become the butt of the joke.  Which is fine when they are laughing right along with us (and all the way to the bank like many reality stars are); but when they aren’t in on the joke, it kind of feels wrong. 

I don’t mean to get all preachy here.  And let me be clear… I have no intention of boycotting reality tv or the shitshow that is “Lindsay.”  (After all, I have to watch… for research purposes, of course.)  But it’s something to think about.  Because while watching people in low moments may serve some entertainment value, it may also be a sign of our tendency to tear people down rather than build them up.  And to me, that feels like a truly guilty pleasure.     

What do you think?  Have you seen “Lindsay”?  How do you feel about it?  Is there anything wrong or exploitative about shows like this?